7 November 2003, 4:52pm
Does anyone know of some good places to get take-away? I'm beginning to get tired of the same old places and I think Jase and Eli are tired of them as well. I think Jase and I will take a trip to Diagon Alley tomorrow and see if we can't find something new to try.
It seems that I've taken up smoking. Not sure how it happened really, just sort of lit a fag one day and haven't stopped since. They say it's not good for your health but the repose is greater than any calming draught I've ever taken, so to be honest I could care less about that at the moment.
It seems that I've taken up smoking. Not sure how it happened really, just sort of lit a fag one day and haven't stopped since. They say it's not good for your health but the repose is greater than any calming draught I've ever taken, so to be honest I could care less about that at the moment.
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There was not a nightmare last night, though the reprieve didn't feel all that welcome to be fairly honest. I couldn't sleep despite it and ended up spending most of the night drawing. I've been worried about Eli since the memory charm but now I wonder if we shouldn't - I don't know. I can't see parting with Jase, but what if we really were a danger to him?
The more I have the nightmare, the more I realise when I wake up that it's not actually him, but it just makes me wonder if there's something inside me capable of this and in turn something inside of Eli as well. It's not as if we are the most ethical people in the wizarding world and while I know Eli wouldn't hurt me, well, Jason isn't me. I feel terrible even thinking it, let alone writing down. I know I'm probably overreacting, it just seems so bloody real and I never would have thought that either of us would ever want to hurt Jase but maybe something isn't giving us the choice? Like I didn't give Eli the choice in letting his father take the fall for him. There's just too much shite wrapped up in this right now and I'm worried it's going to explode.
As terrible as it sounds, I sort of wish Eli was having the nightmares too so he would know what I'm going through. I've told him about them mostly, but it's not quite the same. He can't really understand how terrible it is without actually seeing it himself; maybe then he'd understand why I feel like Jase shouldn't be around us.
At least now I know what the spot is on my calf. The healers weren't any use at figuring it out and I was beginning to think it might be something serious. Well, it is something serious considering, but now I know it's because of the nightmares that I've got it.
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